There were times when I felt loved as a child but often those times were interrupted by my parents arguing and my father becoming angry, drinking and abusing my mother. This continued until my mother decided she could not handle it any longer and so my mother and I separated from the rest of my family. I was the youngest and easiest just to pick up and escape the abuse without any clear picture of the future. My parents were originally farmers and landowners in Hernando, MS. They had 12 children consisting of 8 boys and 4 girls. My parents both had a strong belief in God, unparalleled work ethics, and freedom of education, economic freedom and success. Mississippi painted a picture of harsh racism, segregation with cruel Jim Crow laws. Memphis, TN offered a better hope for my family so we migrated there when I was only a year old. However, for my mother and I it was short lived because of the continuous anger, arguing, drinking, and abuse that my mother was subjected to, from my father. Moving on was very difficult for my mother. We were separated from the rest of my family with no clear-cut place to stay, without any stable income. My mother asked my father for support for the both of us and he refused to give her any financial support and took my mother to court on the bases that I was not his biological child. In the process of the court hearing I heard words from my father’s mouth that I drowned in for 40 years of my life. “Judge he is not my child”. It left me feeling alienated, disconnected, unaccepted, unloved, and helpless without any identity. Where did I come from? Why didn’t I fit in? What went wrong? I was left feeling stabbed with a dagger and a bleeding heart, a hole of emptiness and void of significance. Due to my parent’s inadequacies I was left feeling guilty because of their conflict. My early childhood years were a web of inner emotional conflict and delusion. I know my mom loved me but we had to work hard to make life bearable.